Bukan Ku Tak Cinta Bukan Ku Tak Sayang

 Assalamualaikum wbt…

Rasanya kurang dah bilangan orang yang menjadikan Blog sebagai diari luahan hati…sekarang semua orang guna Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, Twitter bla bla bla yang dah macam jadi zikir kat mulut pulak setiap hari tak sah kalau tak jamah walau sekejap pun

Ok kalau tengok title or headline blog kali ni memang rasanya saya dah berada di tahap “I am experiencing an excruciating pain” & “it is no longer bearable”…

Rupanya in marriage you cant expect things always go your way. In my marriage, I guess finally after 7 years 6 months 8 days (haaaa orang perempuan memang selalu ingat mcm cite Dilwale) I HAVE TO LET GO THIS MARRIAGE. I am a weirdo and I dont fit Kelantanese way of life. Kelantanese guys they just beramal 3 main things:

1- Being loyal to his mom blindly. Even the mom interfere in your marriage life pun dia biarkan je. Mom dia sakitkan hati ko pun dia biarkan jugak. Mom dia touch ko xpe jangan ko touch mom dia.

2- Dare to spread lies for the sake of “looking always berakhlak” in the community

3- Not being able to protect you against anything when it involved any third party

Well, finally rasanya I need to put this to AN END. 

Bukan Ku Tak Sayang Bukan Ku Tak Cinta…

We have created so many memories together but I cant stop myself living in the cruelty you will do when you are unable to speak up and protect me dear future ex-husband

Afeeya has left us on 30/6/2021 and that caused me pain but what you have done it was a BETRAYAL that caused me more excruciating pain. I AM SORRY. The moment of TRUTH IS FINALLY HERE.

I hope Allah will ease the process and ease my post divorce process. Amin amin amin ya rabbal alamin

Sincerely,

Single-Mother-To-Be

Freedom!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62RAK4arstU

Unmatched Pcs of Puzzle

It has been quite sometimes since I wrote any post here. Currently, I am 35weeks pregnant and counting days to delivery date.

Puzzle. Anyone surely have had experience playing this game whether when you were kids or during your adulthood. You choose to start with a simple one (small and bigger pieces) or the most complicated one (very small 10,000 pcs set).

If you think of it the most complicated one potrays clearer picture and take longer time to be finished rather than a bigger pcs set of puzzle. We tend to appreciate the one that takes longer time to be finished. THE MOST COMPLICATED ones I mean. That's how is life. However, when the puzzle pieces cant be matched together or few pcs of them are missing, we tend to leave it and stop doing it.

That's just how I feel now. I left things that cannot be matched anymore. Being a postgraduate student in University of Edinburgh now requires me to have a very big commitment in life plus being a mother to 3 children demands more of my energy to work on this life commitment.

From time to time I have thought about this for so long and I realise I need to leave the pcs of puzzle that cannot be matched with me anymore. I become fade up which is not a positive attitude and not a good vibe to be in given my current condition as an expectant mother.

I believe Allah swt has fix the path for me and the pcs of puzzle which cant be matched in my life anymore. I cant really believe I am writing this post on my birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF. I hope my wish come true and I will achieve the calmness which I choose to have in my life.

In Shaa Allah

=)

Edinburgh, Scotland, United Kingdom

A Sudden Fortune

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

Good Day Dear My Brothers and Sisters...

A Sudden Fortune is the title I choose for my post today

Having A little girl after 2 years marriage is A SUDDEN FORTUNE

Being chosen as a person who needs to have a responsibility to manage the whole company is A SUDDEN FORTUNE

and the BIGGEST SUDDEN FORTUNE I got was in September...We managed to get back our RIGHTS

Give thanks to Allah (My Almighty God) for this GREATEST EVER SUDDEN FORTUNE

So what is it all about? We managed to get back the discretionary power to manage our resort at Perhentian Island. However, this is a temporary wealth lend by Allah to us

Hence, do enjoy the pictures of our GREATEST FORTUNE in life so far

Jazakallahu Khairan Kathira My Dear Muslim Brother and Sisters

Have A Nice Day Ahead My Brothers and Sisters

Wassalam

When You Feel...

When you feel people understand you, THEY ARE NOT
When you feel people can help you, ONLY ALLAH CAN
When you feel you need someone by your side, YOU HAVE NO ONE THERE
When you feel you are scared, PUSH THAT FEELING AWAY
When there is negative energy around you, BE POSITIVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN

I never know when "this" will come to an end. I just want to live a NORMAL LIFE. Is my life now is ABNORMAL? Yes, it is.

I can't sleep while other people sleep. I can't let MY HUSBAND feels how PAINFUL I feel now. I can't feel my stomach is FULL whenever I eat. I can't tell people how I feel each time "this" happen otherwise people will say I am CRAZY. I feel helpless NOW. I have NO MORE TEARS. My heart is WOUNDED. It is hurt when you tell then people say IT IS RIDICULOUS.

I HOPE "THIS" WILL END SOMEDAY

P/S: Hasbunallah Wa Ni'mal Wakeel, Ni'mal Maula Wa Ni'man Naseer (Allah is enough for me, Allah is the best Helper of all)

"JIHAD"

Assalamualaikum wbt to my Muslim brothers and sisters,
Good day to my Non Muslim brothers and sisters,

Now I am in the phase of understanding "jihad" in reality...

Everyone will experience difficulties in life and yet how he or she is going to stay strong and stand still when he didnt understand the meaning of jihad

A simple story during the time of Prophet Muhammad S.A.W where the Prophet and his followers are being isolated by people of other religion for 3 years in a village.

One night, his follower went out in dark to pee. While he pee, he heard his pee dropped on something hard, without any food supplies left he felt hungry. He realised he pee on donkey's skin. Then he took the skin back home and boil it to soften the skin and cut into pieces and eat it. Even he was desperate to get food for himself, he didnt stop his jihad to stand and stay strong as Muslims

Same goes to me now...My hurt and pain to realise that my in law hate me and my husband's siblings have tortured me physically taught me to stay strong in this life...yes, "sorry" can be said easily but the effect they gave me when I feel traumatised after being thrown on the ground by their own hands and when my husband was being caught by them in order to separate us...until today, his family never feel happy seeing us happy and always interfere our marriage life...

I truly understand the meaning of jihad for my marriage and also with that sadness Allah (my beloved God) reward us with baby...In Shaa Allah I will be due in January next year...this love sign from Allah is also another reason why I
need to stay really really strong to face anything that comes in my life...

I hope and do hope that this life of mine will end with khusnul khatimah (good ending) In Shaa Allah if Allah's will

Jazakallahu khairan kathira dear Muslim brothers and sisters
Have A Nice Day Ahead to my Non Muslim brothers and sisters

CH0osE y0uR paTh, GOD wiLl DefiNiteLy GUidEs YoU

Assalamualaikum w.b.t to my Muslim friends,

Good Day Brother and Sisters,

We have a lot of offerings in life...Choose whatever path that you like BUT make sure u know the consequence even not MUCH

Sometimes things can be good for us as we think it is INSTEAD it is a bad thing for us which will affect us the whole life.

Same goes to me...I chose a path where all people will say it is WRONG!!! yeah totally WRONG they said...but one thing for sure in MY HEART deep in it, I chose that path because im afraid of being a SINNER not to say that im a no sinner...na na na nobody is perfect anyway

I am afraid of the punishment which I will get but I cant wait for the reward for what I've done...

MARRIAGE is the answer...no matter how it looks to others, I choose to proceed my life with being someone's wife...

and until today and til forever I will let My God, the only ONE, Allah, to guide me...In Shaa Allah

Baldwin Street, New Zealand

:)

Jazakallahu khairan kathira to my Muslim friends

Have A Nice Day Ahead to my Non-Muslim brothers and sisters